What Happened. Handshake.

Well, almost too easily said, this so called handshake is working miracles! That is what is happening. Or like my brothers and sisters from the lakeside would say, that is., what is. But do I say? 

I come from the mountain side, if you so wish to know. But what we all can rejoice in without a doubt whatsoever is that our mutual motherland is in a relative wave of tranquillity and good behaviour. And that, is what all, including our ancestors ever wanted. But.

But there is this other story, which you may have not heard about as yet, you will after you have read what I have just written.

Now the ark of the covenant, yes I mean the covenant that Moses, the leader of the WaIsraeli or more so also the Jews, went to collect at a mountain called Zion. The interesting story here is the new somewhat revelation. That this same Ark of the Covenant, also known as the Ark of the Ten Commandments is actually in this same country we always talk about. Kenya.

Now, you know people are asking questions like why Waiguru!? Others like, why the one of the Governors who is said to own a D-. In all sincerity, we are not here to judge. We would prefer that the institutions so mandated by the constitution do so.

But hear, hear! We do applaud the significant awards of recognition given to Chief Prosecutor Nordin Haji and “crime buster” Kinoti. Makofi hapo! They deserved it. But what have the others done? And still who were the others because we do not know them when it comes to doing right by Kenyan values? How does the former-younger-president come up with the list of people to give national commendations?

Well, some do seem to have done something anyhow, but the usual suspects why?

Even so, why was world recognised champ, Eliud Kipchoge, Raila Odinga(for six years a prisoner), Samoei Ruto(for amassing wealth very quickly), late icon Joseph Kamaru, Sonko(Sonko rescue team), but most importantly ‘mama wa taifa’ 1^st Lady Margaret Kenyatta, who started the Beyond Zero dream and actually realised it. Why did they not get the Order of the Burning Spear this time?

The handshake and the building of bridges, real or imagined, is a good thing. A grand initiative. The one uniting gesture that we have all, Kenyans, been waiting for. We have no problem with love, we have bundles of love, we have no problem with unity, we are always together, we have no problem with development because we have been longing for it as long as before Kenya was baptised by the colonial thieves.

But they met they talked and they decided. That it’s time to part with krimino friends, it’s time to kill every young krimino, it is time, time to give old people jobs and let the young keep looking, because “the young are kriminos!”. That it was time for a new Kenya, and no one will ever die because of an election.

We really, actually don’t want to die. But is life better for the poor Kenyans after the handshake? There was rain though, thank God. But what about the maize farmers still waiting for their hard earned dues? Was that part of the handshake? Oh, hold on, they were told to farm avocado instead. 

Eh, that takes care of that.

Kenyans are in love with the handshake! Whether I know it or not!

There is this story of a Russian leader called Joseph Stalin. Who once took a chicken to the Kremlin, stripped it naked in front of parliamentarians just to make a point. After patiently, forcefully of course, unfeathering the screaming chicken, he let it go. The story might not be here or there. It is his words thereafter that are valid.

You see after he let the chick, (kuku) go, he put some seeds in his hand and stretched it towards the innocent birdie. It went on to feed from his hand and even followed him when he took a stroll. While his mpigs watched in an awkward bewilderment, he explained.

Torture, kill them, make them fight themselves, make them hate each other, drive them into political madness, crazy. Make them worship you, but give them peanuts, and they will follow you, wherever you go. These might not be his exact words, butwhoisasking?

Handshake.

You probably jumped here to avoid what you might have perceived as a long story. Lakini bado uko hapa. Now give me an ear.

Uhuru is very bold in telling us about a handshake that happened almost over an year ago. He has become so bold, nothing wrong with it, that the only uniform that he has not worn is his new screaming-blue police uniform that no Kenyan, seems to like or hear about neither respect. The talk about police reforms, persist, remain and stay. They must be seen from far, first!

I did watch the president’s tour of Nyanza, and I did see where he clapped and laughed, only him, and him only, amused by his new and his only ‘my-bratha’s joke. 

“Long time ago, there were animals called dinosaurs. They feasted on all other animals but never got satisfied. The almighty God got angered and punished them. He reduced them in size and I hear they are today’s lizards. Oppressors must now pay attention to what I am saying. You that take advantage of peoples resources, your judgement will be by God. Some people will be reduced in size by God. Oppressors, continue to oppress us, and teach your children to do the same to our children. But the God of Kimathi, Mathenge and Kaggia, will deliver us from the hands of these wild animals a people!

You who eats that which someone else planted! Your generations will be cut short, no child will name you. Your deaths awaits your in India! You will walk while on your way there, but you will come but in a casket. Kimathi went to the forest for our freedom, land and the education for our children. All of it was taken by the oppressor, the country became a one man’s property, and his friends.

Mau Mau’s curse lives on today. Let the children of Mau Mau continue to suffer. Let those who are still alive die of poverty, but that curse will eat up your generations. You clan of oppressors continue to oppressor us, go ahead and plan how your children will oppress us but the God of Kimathi, Mathenge and Kagia, will deliver us from the hands of these wild animals a people! Oh, but know, you death awaits you in India! Oh.. you will walk on your way there but you will come back in a casket!

How do you budget for Wanjiku? Do you take us for fools or do you think we are ignorant? While asking for votes we did eat the 90 shillings flour, but when you got your positions it rose back again, (after what you wanted, you meant)“we can go to hell!”. The maize farmer is gnashing his teeth mourning, while the coffee farmer is uprooting it and throwing it away. The businesspeople are screaming coz of debt, while to you, it’s a handshake while preparing for the game!

When you go to parliament there is nothing else but salaries, that you get house allowances and for the cars as well! And the medical cover for your sidekicks and their children. All these while our county hospital has no medicine. When you get sick, you go to private hospitals, with four doctors fighting for your live. Because Kenya must not stop! But in Kenyatta hospital, patients are dying on the floor, in Kiambu, three patients share a bed!

A man who slaughtered and sold cat meat in Limuru was jailed accordingly, while the public resources thief, lay in bed with his wife! When did a hyena decide a sheep’s case? I swear, whoever bewitched us was well paid! But you will only hear of true peace through people! Have your guns around your waists, while your blood sugar rises to the highest, a lot of bodyguards all around you, portable gods around your waist and a bag of high blood pressure medicine with you.

People at Nyamakima slaughtered goats to sacrifice and celebrate the win of Tano Tena! But today, they are the same ones on the roads demonstrating, Nigute! What a waste! Their stuff burned and banned as fake! While your politicians run all over Kenya talking of a debt that some have and some don’t! God!? Why can’t you finish politicians and give us leaders!? These nation will never mature as long as these barren people are alive!

But oh, I will not pay a debt, I will keep a promise! Oh, I care, about our people who are still in 

foreign lands. May none of them go back to the tents! Oh no, its not a dent that I will pay, it’s a promise that I will keep.”

So sang Muigai Wa Njoroge; telling of a promise that was, but was never kept. Of a deal that was made but seems to be fading into or fast disappearing into the ever infamous bin-of-the-forgotten Mous. But what’s his beef and why was his song such a storm in the cup of tea?

The people of good intention who have decided that the Ark of the Covenant must be found near or on Kirima Gia Thayo Ini (please be kind and read Mt Zion), also Mt Kenya, are doing whatever they can to prove and show the whole world that they have indeed uncovered that monumental secret.

El President is still dishing out prime jobs to election losers, needless to say, the persons that the people of Kenya said, NO to. While graduates, with real, hard earned university commendations still tanga tanga about in the streets and vichochoros of Kenya.

Part Two coming shortly.

P Bryan Njoroge.