I Saw A Dog Decide.

 I Saw A Dog Decide.

The sun was warm against my face. It was five minutes till the tram come, so I decided to enjoy the natural warmth while I waited. A red car approached, driving by slowly, carefully. Behind me was the local ICA shop, a few morning people sneaked in and out of the shop scarcely. The red car passed by me, drove a few meters, and made a U turn just outside the ICA shop.

A glanced inside the car and made out an old couple. The old man backed the car unevenly. Drove a few meters forward and then reversed a second time. I couldn’t tell if he meant to park or drop off his partner. He gave up perfection and turned off the engine. They stayed inside the car, I got bored and turned my face to concentrate on the warm rays of the sun.

The Man And His Dog.

In front of me a man was walking his dog, he stopped. I looked at his little dog. It reminded me of Snowy, only that it had brown patches here and there. The leash was long, the little dog was between the two tram-railways staring right in front, a cross. Curious.

Come, the man said quietly and gently pulled on the leash. The dog turned its little head quickly to him and quickly back. I looked to its ahead, curious of his/her curiosity. Further on, on the path of his/her gaze was a park, good parents were out with their little ones, the children playing noisily. The dog stared.

I looked at the man, never once seeing his face as he looked at his dog, seemingly oblivious of the sun, its warm, me, the red car, the old couple inside, the park, the parents and their children and the fact that the tram was due in three minutes.

Come, he said, a little louder now, and pulled on the lead, a little harder now. The dog made to turn, its whole body, made a ninety degrees turn, looked at its master(?) another ninety degrees back, and stared still. I raised my head, the sweet calming warmth soothing my face.

Come, I heard. An interruption. I looked at the man, I swear he felt my inquiry glance. I looked at the dog. Standing upright on its four. Its body firm its face forward, its eyes fixed. Come, he said a fourth, pulling the little dog a little gently firmly harder. The dog, I couldn’t tell its gender, nor its intended engendering agenda.

The man looked at his dog. the dog pulled on its leash forward, its little body strained. The man slowly gave in, he followed the little dog. Happily, it run across the rails. Directly after, it turned left and crossed that road too. The little dog decided, the man abided. 

The Little Red Car And Corona.

I looked at the old couple, still inside the red car, parked outside the ICA shop, seemingly oblivious of the sun, its warmth, me, the dog and its man that had just left, the park, the parents and their children and the fact that the tram was due in one minute.

A young man came out of the ICA shop, he wore its uniform, carrying a stuffed shopping bag. He approached the red car, the old coupled watched him come. The lady waved. The young man grinned. The lady was saying something, but the car window stayed up. The young made a face put the stuffed bag down, just beside the red car, straightened up looked inside the red car, turned and went back inside the ICA shop.

The lady opened the door, her eyes on the bag, she stumbled on the road's edge, her arms grappling the air. She found her balance, I sighed. Without turning her eyes from the stuffed bag, she bent, picked it up, opened the back door of the red car, shoved it in, got back in the car and shut her door. They murmured, as the old man engaged the car, then stopped, for the tram.

As the doors swung open, I thought, should I wear a mask, seemingly oblivious of the fact if the driver was looking at me.

P Bryan Njoroge.

What Happened. Handshake.

Well, almost too easily said, this so called handshake is working miracles! That is what is happening. Or like my brothers and sisters from the lakeside would say, that is., what is. But do I say? 

I come from the mountain side, if you so wish to know. But what we all can rejoice in without a doubt whatsoever is that our mutual motherland is in a relative wave of tranquillity and good behaviour. And that, is what all, including our ancestors ever wanted. But.

But there is this other story, which you may have not heard about as yet, you will after you have read what I have just written.

Now the ark of the covenant, yes I mean the covenant that Moses, the leader of the WaIsraeli or more so also the Jews, went to collect at a mountain called Zion. The interesting story here is the new somewhat revelation. That this same Ark of the Covenant, also known as the Ark of the Ten Commandments is actually in this same country we always talk about. Kenya.

Now, you know people are asking questions like why Waiguru!? Others like, why the one of the Governors who is said to own a D-. In all sincerity, we are not here to judge. We would prefer that the institutions so mandated by the constitution do so.

But hear, hear! We do applaud the significant awards of recognition given to Chief Prosecutor Nordin Haji and “crime buster” Kinoti. Makofi hapo! They deserved it. But what have the others done? And still who were the others because we do not know them when it comes to doing right by Kenyan values? How does the former-younger-president come up with the list of people to give national commendations?

Well, some do seem to have done something anyhow, but the usual suspects why?

Even so, why was world recognised champ, Eliud Kipchoge, Raila Odinga(for six years a prisoner), Samoei Ruto(for amassing wealth very quickly), late icon Joseph Kamaru, Sonko(Sonko rescue team), but most importantly ‘mama wa taifa’ 1^st Lady Margaret Kenyatta, who started the Beyond Zero dream and actually realised it. Why did they not get the Order of the Burning Spear this time?

The handshake and the building of bridges, real or imagined, is a good thing. A grand initiative. The one uniting gesture that we have all, Kenyans, been waiting for. We have no problem with love, we have bundles of love, we have no problem with unity, we are always together, we have no problem with development because we have been longing for it as long as before Kenya was baptised by the colonial thieves.

But they met they talked and they decided. That it’s time to part with krimino friends, it’s time to kill every young krimino, it is time, time to give old people jobs and let the young keep looking, because “the young are kriminos!”. That it was time for a new Kenya, and no one will ever die because of an election.

We really, actually don’t want to die. But is life better for the poor Kenyans after the handshake? There was rain though, thank God. But what about the maize farmers still waiting for their hard earned dues? Was that part of the handshake? Oh, hold on, they were told to farm avocado instead. 

Eh, that takes care of that.

Kenyans are in love with the handshake! Whether I know it or not!

There is this story of a Russian leader called Joseph Stalin. Who once took a chicken to the Kremlin, stripped it naked in front of parliamentarians just to make a point. After patiently, forcefully of course, unfeathering the screaming chicken, he let it go. The story might not be here or there. It is his words thereafter that are valid.

You see after he let the chick, (kuku) go, he put some seeds in his hand and stretched it towards the innocent birdie. It went on to feed from his hand and even followed him when he took a stroll. While his mpigs watched in an awkward bewilderment, he explained.

Torture, kill them, make them fight themselves, make them hate each other, drive them into political madness, crazy. Make them worship you, but give them peanuts, and they will follow you, wherever you go. These might not be his exact words, butwhoisasking?

Handshake.

You probably jumped here to avoid what you might have perceived as a long story. Lakini bado uko hapa. Now give me an ear.

Uhuru is very bold in telling us about a handshake that happened almost over an year ago. He has become so bold, nothing wrong with it, that the only uniform that he has not worn is his new screaming-blue police uniform that no Kenyan, seems to like or hear about neither respect. The talk about police reforms, persist, remain and stay. They must be seen from far, first!

I did watch the president’s tour of Nyanza, and I did see where he clapped and laughed, only him, and him only, amused by his new and his only ‘my-bratha’s joke. 

“Long time ago, there were animals called dinosaurs. They feasted on all other animals but never got satisfied. The almighty God got angered and punished them. He reduced them in size and I hear they are today’s lizards. Oppressors must now pay attention to what I am saying. You that take advantage of peoples resources, your judgement will be by God. Some people will be reduced in size by God. Oppressors, continue to oppress us, and teach your children to do the same to our children. But the God of Kimathi, Mathenge and Kaggia, will deliver us from the hands of these wild animals a people!

You who eats that which someone else planted! Your generations will be cut short, no child will name you. Your deaths awaits your in India! You will walk while on your way there, but you will come but in a casket. Kimathi went to the forest for our freedom, land and the education for our children. All of it was taken by the oppressor, the country became a one man’s property, and his friends.

Mau Mau’s curse lives on today. Let the children of Mau Mau continue to suffer. Let those who are still alive die of poverty, but that curse will eat up your generations. You clan of oppressors continue to oppressor us, go ahead and plan how your children will oppress us but the God of Kimathi, Mathenge and Kagia, will deliver us from the hands of these wild animals a people! Oh, but know, you death awaits you in India! Oh.. you will walk on your way there but you will come back in a casket!

How do you budget for Wanjiku? Do you take us for fools or do you think we are ignorant? While asking for votes we did eat the 90 shillings flour, but when you got your positions it rose back again, (after what you wanted, you meant)“we can go to hell!”. The maize farmer is gnashing his teeth mourning, while the coffee farmer is uprooting it and throwing it away. The businesspeople are screaming coz of debt, while to you, it’s a handshake while preparing for the game!

When you go to parliament there is nothing else but salaries, that you get house allowances and for the cars as well! And the medical cover for your sidekicks and their children. All these while our county hospital has no medicine. When you get sick, you go to private hospitals, with four doctors fighting for your live. Because Kenya must not stop! But in Kenyatta hospital, patients are dying on the floor, in Kiambu, three patients share a bed!

A man who slaughtered and sold cat meat in Limuru was jailed accordingly, while the public resources thief, lay in bed with his wife! When did a hyena decide a sheep’s case? I swear, whoever bewitched us was well paid! But you will only hear of true peace through people! Have your guns around your waists, while your blood sugar rises to the highest, a lot of bodyguards all around you, portable gods around your waist and a bag of high blood pressure medicine with you.

People at Nyamakima slaughtered goats to sacrifice and celebrate the win of Tano Tena! But today, they are the same ones on the roads demonstrating, Nigute! What a waste! Their stuff burned and banned as fake! While your politicians run all over Kenya talking of a debt that some have and some don’t! God!? Why can’t you finish politicians and give us leaders!? These nation will never mature as long as these barren people are alive!

But oh, I will not pay a debt, I will keep a promise! Oh, I care, about our people who are still in 

foreign lands. May none of them go back to the tents! Oh no, its not a dent that I will pay, it’s a promise that I will keep.”

So sang Muigai Wa Njoroge; telling of a promise that was, but was never kept. Of a deal that was made but seems to be fading into or fast disappearing into the ever infamous bin-of-the-forgotten Mous. But what’s his beef and why was his song such a storm in the cup of tea?

The people of good intention who have decided that the Ark of the Covenant must be found near or on Kirima Gia Thayo Ini (please be kind and read Mt Zion), also Mt Kenya, are doing whatever they can to prove and show the whole world that they have indeed uncovered that monumental secret.

El President is still dishing out prime jobs to election losers, needless to say, the persons that the people of Kenya said, NO to. While graduates, with real, hard earned university commendations still tanga tanga about in the streets and vichochoros of Kenya.

Part Two coming shortly.

P Bryan Njoroge. 

My Weird Dreams. Heaven, afterlife?

I was with a friend, someone, somewhere, but I could not see them, or whom it was. We were having a conversation about the end of the world. How it would be like though the dream somehow seems to start in the middle of the discussion. Then he said, “a scientist once said”, but did not finish that sentence. Instead some kind of a vision started.

When he started talking about the scientist, the sentence’s conclusion somehow became embedded in the ‘vision’. So that it kind of continued before the vision totally taking over.

Like, “a scientist once said….” and the sun’s heat became intense. The birds went quiet and the rest of creation followed. Then everything started to dry up. The earth and all the vegetation turned light grey and quickly as if melting into dark grey then total black and finally nothingness. Floating.

But the moment of nothingness did not last. Suddenly there was light, I could see that everything was still dry but a change was happening very fast. From the dark grey to dark brown to light brown. 

Form light brown to dry vegetation. I could make out a wheat farm, the plants all dry but somehow waking up! Fast.

The vegetation turned to dry green, light green leaves and dry flowers, and just as suddenly to a bright healthy green and the flowers sprouted forth in full blossom!

Then came the sound of birds and all others, of people laughing, shouting in joy in a way of celebration. And there was life again! But I could not see my friend nor the physical forms of those with whom I was celebrating…and the dream ended.

I am not trying to explain anything other than a very detailed and interesting dream.

P Bryan Njoroge.

Revolution Now!

We have heard it; the hunger of a people cannot be quenched by a tarmacked road. Development of the infrastructure by itself, cannot bring about security, and a beautiful dream of government housing is not a surety of its affordability and maintenance.  First things first.

As Kenya is changing auditor general, a lot of questions, about expenditure, waste and loss of public monies, still remain unanswered. As the country prepares for a new attorney general and public prosecutions director, many cases remain unprosecuted. As the country warms up to a new director of criminal investigations, many criminal cases remain unsolved.

A short while ago, specifically Friday the 9^th of March 2018, the elite and politically controlling class in Kenya suddenly and without any announcement decided to meet and declare a truce. The political leaders of both the government party, Jubilee, and the main opposition party or alliance, NASA, read ODM, decided to join hands in “uniting and building” the land and the nation of Kenya. Without public announcement, involvement nor consultation.

On the 8^th of august 2017, Kenya went into elections as demanded by the constitution. After these elections, winners were declared. Uhuru Kenyatta was declared the elect president and winner by the constitutionally set body the IEBC, after a very heated political campaign that abnormally had carried on for more than one year.

After the announcement of his victory, his antagonist and long time opposition leader, former prime minister Raila Odinga, expectedly refused to accept this election and went to the supreme court to oppose Uhuru’s election. He, Raila, won in a case where the supreme court of Kenya ruled that Uhuru Kenyatta was in did elected in an election dominated by illegalities and irregularities.

We accepted. And by WE, I mean those who supported the then elect-president. But the opposition went into a different kind of frenzy claiming that the electoral commission ordained to carry out the repeat election was corrupt, incompetent and incapable and therefore could not hold an equitable election.

That through the court's ruling, the body had itself been declared null and void.

The court had then ruled that a repeat presidential election be carried out two months after. A date that fell on the 26 of October which coincidentally was also Uhuru Kenyatta’s birthday. That too became an issue and the opposition, of course lead by Raila Odinga refused to recognise and take part in the election citing an unjust and corrupt IEBC.

The opposition boycotted the repeat election and Uhuru won by about 98 percent. Actually, almost unopposed. The opposition led by Raila Odinga refused to accept the election and declared Uhuru an illegitimate president. After which the NRMke, a resistance movement that has since been banned in Kenya, was created as a weapon to force Uhuru out of power.

The movement announced the resistance of several companies, commodities and firms that they felt had participated in the “illegal” election of president Uhuru Kenyatta and called for their boycott. The Kenyan opposition also created a people’s assembly, that would work against and frustrate any move by the “illegal government”.

All along this mess, shenanigans and political games, Kenyans followed their political divide truthfully. And by that they demonstrated their faith whenever called for. During the demonstrations against the alleged electoral theft, Kenyans died. Baby Pendo is one of the victims whose name has remained documented as the face of the deadly clashes that threatened the unity of the nation.

When Raila left the country and came back after a visit of the USA, Kenyans died as the power that-be clashed with the unruly celebrating mass. Talks about secession continued.

Thus far, Kenyans remained divided though calls for a dialogue between the government and the opposition persisted. Kenyans right through the middle backed their sides with pride and prejudice and refused as their leaders did, to reason.

The hard-headed leaders and political parties pushed us as further apart as they could and we, Kenyans, as usual followed them to the coming fall of a nation. They puked over each other, they called each other names but relevantly, they tuned us not to accept each other.

By their sides we stayed. We spread hate against each other and told the worst about our tribes even as Kenyans. We were ready to kill each other for the constitution, rule of law and justice that they kept telling us about.

But then, all we wanted was a dialogue. All we wanted was a mutual way of developing Kenya. All we wanted was justice, electoral and otherwise. All we wanted was our blood earned freedom. Well, we still do.

We called for it, and our international friends joined in. All said; sit down and talk. But then it was not possible. One said, wait until it is time for elections campaigns for 2022 and talk to Ruto, the other went ahead and took an oath against the constitution of Kenya and gazetted himself president of the people.

Where were we, Wanjiku, in their minds as they made these decisions for us?

Kenyans, it is time. We are not necessarily against the newly found brotherhood between Uhuru Kenyatta and Raila Odinga, two persons who watched as Kenyans killed each other time and time in their names. The brothers.

What we must be against is the RUDE AWAKENING that they as usual have decide that we must come together and unite for their sake and for Kenya to be prosperous again. But yet to answer to the numerous questions we still have. Yet to mention the deaths on their watch.

We wanted dialogue I say again. We wanted a national dialogue. To heal the nation, not to put out fires on burning political bridges. We wanted to, we should, we must be involved in any talk about Kenya. We are disappointed by a meeting between two people, that decided that Kenya should not have an opposition party.

In a democratic state, the duties of both the opposition and the government are well defined. A democracy in other words MUST have an opposition because otherwise there is a risk of dictatorship. Where are they taking Kenya?

Once again unity is paramount, but democratically, it is desired, longed for and wanted, but there never is such unity, politically. It is ideologically impossible. Until the philosophy of tribes, inequality and marginalization, is dealt with, there must be opposition. Unless you are talking about the forced unity, Communism, Nazism and dictatorship.

As and when we, or the people demanded, they stayed adamant. Till the day they felt fit to meet and iron out THEIR issues. Thereafter deciding that for the sake of the country WE must unite.

Like we ever had a problem, uniting. We don’t. We are Kenyans. We are always united until the political electioneering period when THEY decide that WE must separate, split, divide, so that they can win and rule over us.

So, they met, they talked, and they told US nothing. Now, we are supposed to unite while we wait for 2022. Conveniently, just after the finance CS told us that the government is broke, and the American secretary of state came visiting just before he was fired upon his return home.

Uhuru is in Cuba, a communist state that has oppressed and dictated upon its own people since its so-called independence.

If Raila Odinga is the people’s president of Kenya, at the same time Uhuru Kenyatta is the president of the republic of Kenya, where is our constitution? What is Kenya?

More importantly why are these greedy, insatiably, power-hungry people our leaders?

By THEIR properly termed unity, we as Kenyans now have an opportunity to rise up, UNITE and take what is ours. Control from them, our forefathers desired freedom. Total UHURU! We must see them for whom they are and say enough!

We, by one voice must say we love each other and NO to their manipulations and exploitation! 

The elite have united, the time is now ripe for THE Kenyan peoples’ unity, against the corrupt, greedy and misguiding elite. A Revolution!

P Bryan Njoroge.

What Happened The Designated Survivor.

A point of confusion, is what! What in fathers are we supposed to understand in an own begotten, created and born mass delirium! The government is broke!

"Somebody is playing a dirty game. You make the victims look like the villains and you drag them through the sewer so that by the time you are done with them, they are so dirty, stinking and nobody want to talk to them," Barrack Muluka.

Now I remember correctly, we had an issue with the Botswaness, and especially between the younger President who has since become the MAIN and only President Of The Republic and The Commandante El Chefe (CIC) of Kenya’s all defences forces and the real President of Botswana; still yet to get married.

Well, that I can say is water UNDER THE BRIDGE because as we talk, the real President of the country within and inside the country of South Africa, sat down with and told the still younger president of the Kenyan Republic like: that man Skelemani that you call Skeletoni was a bad adviser to me and the real people of Botswana, watch the Lady’s Detective Agency, Mr Sir President. He does not show his face in any of the seasons or episodes. My sister, his wife, left him.

And with that, the fate of the very-fattened-many-wifed minister was sealed, we don’t yet know, nor can we argue that he lived happily ever after. Finito. What we know, and after both the younger and the real Presidents of these now Great Countries did after reading The Brief, is that they cut the biff. Haiko tena.

Designated Survivor.

But a lot has happened before we got here, today. The activist always known as Bo-ni-fa-ci, who had actually resigned as the people’s activist (lolling my eyes here, where do they get these titles!), I am yet to come to the latest “the-some-people’s-president”, like, you hear my sulk!? What is, with these people! But they always fail, or lose if you insist but never ever keep those titles!

Anyway, the Boni who is not the bull fighter, was planning for the rumour to project himself into a self-perceived MP position but the people told him; not yet Ushenzi. He is back to doing what he does best, act.

Talking of rumours.

According to the Wikipedia “a designated survivor (or designated successor) is an individual in the presidential line of succession, usually a member of the United States Cabinet, who is arranged to be at a physically distant, secure, and undisclosed location when the President, the Vice President, and the other officials in the line of succession are gathered at a single location.This is intended to guarantee continuity of government in the event of a catastrophic occurrence that kills the President and the officials in the presidential line of succession, such as a mass shooting, bombing, attack or catastrophic natural disaster.

If such an event occurred, killing both the President and Vice President, the surviving official highest in the line, ‘the designated survivor’ would become the Acting President of the United States under the Presidential Succession Act.”

Kenyans are creative and after a certain rumoured oath, one such Kenyan explained that Kalonzo Musyoka’s absence was promptly necessitated in case of the above-mentioned occurrence. He was NASA’s designated survivor, though he planned this unintentionally and without consulting the party and the leader who now goes around with the tittle, the-some-people’s-president.

The only one who is bold enough to hold and keep his title, then, now and forever more is…you know it his Watermelonness Kalonzo Musioka, him with the tears of the crocodile. You know, one of the three “irredeemable cowards” also the rumoured designated survivor.

Kalonzo, with the other so-called principals, aka Wetangula and Mudavadi conspired against their leader and went into hiding when they were supposed to stand up and be counted. The plan was simple, in case the oath taking went sour and the-some-people’s-president was killed or arrested, Kalonzo, being the second in the line of the-some-people’s-presidency would automatically become the-new-some-people’s-president.

The plan badly backfired, needless to say, and to this day the confused disciples continue giving different, incoherent excuses, tearfully at times and shamelessly in the presence of the man they abandoned and sold out for possible crucifixion.  

These are the three “irredeemable cowards” and sadly, two are from the mighty Mulembe nation positioning that community badly in the line of the award of The Brave Moran. But if the said community is not complaining, why should anyone for that matter.

Yes, that is what we hear happened to the people’s activist Boni. We asked him some questions here which he failed to answer due to some unavoidable situations, but we know that he is about to be oathed as the people’s mp. Not much to shout about there or add that he will have to paint some more pigs red before the said people give him a job that pays without acting.

Igathe resigned, and the governor of the-Not-anymore-green City in the hot Sun, said; who? I will not talk to him! Apende asipende! But accordingly, Igathe the Polycrap was stealing the light from the city’s ‘sun’ in the “city in the sun”, it was a blessing in disguise for him to resign.  

And that’s what happened, whether I know it or not!

Disappointment, Nazo.

Donald Trump, the self-stamped “Shithole” is the not very new president of the states of unity. He took over, even after Raila Odinga’s famous quote, “they stole” by the then minister of the states, Hillary of the Clinton was not listened to. They said the Russians helped the Trump to steal the elections but funny, they didn’t shout enough, neither did they go to the supreme court of those states of unity. They are still arguing whether or not.

So, the question still lingers, unashamedly, unable to redeem itself from possible cowardice titles and as long as we are not talking about the-first-not-pink-president of the states of unity, whose name also states with an O, just like the-some-peoples-president’s; we have no comment. Deal with your shithole!

But the disappointments came when some ‘Africans Hereandtheres’ went on to loudly applaud trump for being a racist shithole! Sa zingine, people remind yourselves that it might not have anything to do with you but everything to do with your RACE or even the greatness of mother Africa, fake, imagined or real.

Simply put, American black people are still being discriminated upon, killed mercilessly because some of them went on to support racist remarks as those. The so termed as, House Negroes. Africa has been largely marginalised because of people, or leaders I could add who never call it like it is. And so, they killed the first President Of The United States Of Africa and though this may sound close to the-some-people’s-president ideology, they killed the dream too. Just so you know if you don’t, his name was Coronel Muamar Gaddafi.

I think we should allow ourselves (undressing Africans here) to do some simple research in the free wide web before we comment somethings that sometimes come out rightwardly foolish. Sio matusi. Ask yourself why so many people don’t think like you do, especially when it comes to issues as big as global racism.

Black people on this planet called earth are still fighting for their rights. We should probably not take sides with those who are tramping on us.

Self-Destruction.

A very little while ago, and, to my believe still going on now, black Africans were/are being humiliated, enslaved and savagely murdered in Libya and elsewhere, and your answer to that is; of course Africa is a shithole!? And Museveni. Him with tafadhali rudisheni ng’ombe zangu… fame, the wanna be forever president of the States of Uganda and Migingo and you are down there with him cheering on shithole Trump!?

What has he done to change that in his presidency of thirty years, and what have you(all those Africans who supported Trump’s shithole title) ever done for your African shithole? Even Mugabe was a hero, still is to some, but we celebrated his ouster for making his country, the very able Zimbabwe a shithole, his time to go had come.

Now, my fellow good people, what is Miguna doing to Baba? I mean Kenyans were actually settling for baba as the-some-people’s-president and as a fact his stateman’s figure is not completely deleted, though he is working hard to get there. With the due left respect, do we need Miguna’s help in baba’s self-destruction?

ODM people who also go by the tittle the-illegal-NRM, how did this guy who just an year ago was roasting, abusing, unclothing, de-crowning and totally dismantling your king while we watched, become your general and actually your kings foot soldier? Miguna is bitter with kikuyus because he believes they denied him the Nairobi governorship which is actually not very far from the truth.

But don’t we now know that the goon of all goons cannot make Nairobi any better? Megooner Thegooner has a different kind of a suicide mission, his has always been to bring down the grand old man RAO but still inherit him. Your general?

Miguna the goon is not here nor there…to quote a former president, huyo ni bure kabisa! Anafaa…just been asked not to quote further. Eni kei tii! Canada mission is good enough for now.

But the misadvised powerful minister Ma tia ngi! How do you get to gain the world and lose your soul? Eh..why are you and others not yet known to us telling the younger president stuff like;..funga TV stations!?

If people don’t want to hear bla bla bla, and in fact we don’t, but can’t you trust us enough to switch of the TV, radio and even the youtube? It’s a button’s move. You sir are making the younger president’s government look like a headless chicken. We…wacha hizo.

A while ago, we do sympathize with one Terry Mango who was accidentally, either by naivety or political correctness, caught between a rock, and a hard place out of a well-intended statement about our boy who racist minded clothiers thought it wise or funny to dress the young VIP in a silly hood christened “the coolest monkey in the hood”.

Disappointment, but luckily they weathered the storm.

But besides all that, the talk of the country called Kenya, young, pretty and mellow still is an oath taking. What oath? Yes, exactly but with patience, we will all know what the big deal was, the hullaballoo, the honkytonk, and the “donkey fart” innuendos that brought us here.

Otherwise we don’t mind the-some-people’s-president, a watermelon who takes off very first but aiming to kupitia katikati, Ma divided or Madvd the baffled if you must insist or even Weta the battled, like I said earlier we are getting used to these titles. But what now really happened is the question. But who is asking?

They met, they talked, they told us nothing.

P Bryan Njoroge.

EARLIER...

What Happened Now.

What Happened Activism.

What Happened Digital.

What Happened!

How Many Friends Do I have Left. My Two Cents.

I started writing this column after the 2007/8 election when Kenyans took to the streets, homes and forests chasing after fellow Kenyans and thereafter killing, maiming them and causing destruction in a way never witnessed before in the young nation called Kenya.

I had to really contemplate on whether I still had any friends left around, (I had/have many friends, left, right and centre, I think) cause at the time it seemed like Kenya would burn to ashes and very few if any of my friends would be left. But thank God that did not happen, Kenya lived on and became much stronger. And to mark the political maturity and sovereign might, a new constitution was born.

Of course, reading through any of the previous articles on this column, you will notice that I was not really worried about losing friends. Actually, it has nothing to that effect, but the tittle and the theme is purely and intentionally meant to catch your attention, especially after such a dramatic and suspenseful exercise as electioneering.  

Before I lose your attention, it is true and unfortunately so that around these times several Kenyans lose their lives, in and during this process, while others become eternal enemies with their neighbours. It is also possible that you, reading these and I, writing these, may have lost friends in the said process, or each other as friends. I choose not to think about the latter, simply because it is not worth it.

But the last general election, held in Kenya on the 8th of August and confirmed on the 26th of October last year has brought out some hitherto unimaginable ways of parting friendship. 

It makes no sense in rushing to condemn me by ruthless or demeaning words just because I fail to sing a song you like. It is ignorant to expect everyone to think as you do and especially in the political way of thinking.

If you happen to be my friend by any category, you would probably mind your wording if I am to consider your counteraction for a worthwhile debate. Throwing demeaning, abusive or just dismissive words will never encourage me to see the difference between you and the words you use. 

In that context, my response is diverted from the real issue and wasted on explaining what should be otherwise obvious.

That Kenya is divided is that obvious. Anyone who would not see that would have to be mentally blind. But the situation has become so dire that every statement, comment, opinion or view is treated with suspicion, judgement, contempt or jubilation depending on who you sound positive/negative towards.

There are two political sides of Kenya today and those two sides must and should NOT be fathomed as Luo and Kikuyu. However much it may seem so.

There is the one side that supports Raila Odinga as the opposition or the NRM (National Resistance Movement), and the other, that leans towards the Jubilee Party, Uhuru Kenyatta and his constitutionally elected government. Kenya with its 45(more or less) tribes and over 44 million people is supposed to be divided along these two parts.

In any democratic state, and assuming that Kenya is one, it is wrong to always expect that all must see things your way and so must support your political persuasion, with or without ideology. It should neither be expected that we must change from the following doom and share the exact same thoughts and expectations. That would corrode the meaning of true democracy.

At just over fifty, we are probably asking for too much of our nation, without recognising the much we have achieved within a very short time. But that is looking at Kenya from independence to where we are today. Some of the most democratic and developed countries in the world have taken hundreds of years to be where they are today. It is a fact, but not an excuse for the slow growth politically and otherwise, that we’ve experienced.

It will still take us many more years before we are where we want to be as a country and as a nation, and no matter how much it might pain, it will not come through one person but by generations. We might not necessarily live to see it, especially if we continue to get all emotional when things don’t go our tribe’s way.

Within this time, a lot of patience and patriotism will be required. Patriotism unlike most words that end with ‘ism’ is positive as love for one’s nation and land no matter what!

Along the path of democratisation, we must address past and present wrongs. Above all we must accept that as a nation of over 40 million people and over 42 indigenous communities, we must think and feel the same about Kenya. Though that is not necessarily a must, ideologically.

We are too quick to see things through that tribe’s eye, that we have lost sight and feel of the nationhood we crave. Hence, we remain divided for so long, and though we all seem to will and want to respond to mental emancipation, we are still held in slavery by tribal knots. Not that there's anything wrong about our tribes.  

Without the beautiful colours that are our tribes, Kenya is not complete as a nation. We can talk about secession. It is healthy because it calls for attention where it may seem lacking. We must talk about the iniquities that we experience. Its crucial. We must address all the ills that befall our country without exemption of ANY tribe. This was indeed one of the founding reasons for the new constitution of 2010 and the introduction of devolution.

We must hear the cry of those who, in one way or another feel left behind. Though, it must remain as talk, a wakeup call, a mind joggler, secede we shall and must not!

It is sorrowful that we still experience bloodshed and loss of life because of our political leanings. It is even worse that our political leanings are influenced by tribe and thus cannot give reason to tolerance.

Mental Health.

Through my Facebook account I have experienced straight up and meaningless ridicule just because of my political stand. I have been called a fool more times than I care to count. My fore “acknowledged” intelligence has been thrown out of the book and even my mental health, me being abroad and all, has been put into doubt.

These has really put me in a position where I had to rethink everything I know about myself and my so-called friends and those friendships. It has left me in a position of defence because you see, it is not the first time I am at the receiving end from friends who suddenly emerge as wolves in sheeps' skins all over sudden because I have put my believes forward. Not that they don’t know that I am anti-Raila(the politician, not the luo) for example, they do.

Look at me through a fair eye and you will see no traits of tribalism. If you do, tell me where or how, I would like to know.

Somewhere along the way, Raila’s cult has become the word that has to be Kenya. When they say baba your last word is final, we are all supposed to say, yes baba! Horsefeathers! We have every right to proclaim our own leaders and differ. Just like any other part of the democratic world.

We will not accept nonsensical politics in the worship of one lost old man with a suicidal mission to carry Kenya down with him. And any person of age who does not see the old man RAO for what he is today is not only in denial, he or she has lost it themselves, but do we say? 

Raila has an excuse of being a perennial loser and running out of time for his bitterness, what’s yours?

Just how petty can it become? One chides that 'we' that have crossed the border are indeed expected to be of a “healthy mind”. Now my fren, this is where I really wonder if this fellow knows what “healthy mind” means, politically, grammatically or medically and how it applies in here. 

Because if he did, he would not have used those words in his comment, especially being a person who knows me well.  

They all come out one by one from the friend’s holes they were all hiding in because this njoro has become too much! How dare he portray our father who art on earth in such obvious terms!?

Because when I put up a video about ‘Raila-worshiping’ which is an occultism already allowed in Kenya, according to some, I brought everything intelligent they had ever considered of me into question. I cannot, in their opinion be intelligent and post a video about Railaism, the worshipping of Raila Odinga that is an open secret in Kenya, to the world of facebook, forget about the fact that the video has been collecting views on youtube.

Bringing that up in the past campaign period was unacceptable! Though the facts are all there, even to the blind.

To be continued.

P Bryan Njoroge.

EARLIER...

How Many Friends Do I Have Left, For Keegan Kagwe.

How Many Friends Do I Have Left.

It's D-day! 8/8.

That we have all been waiting for the coming day is obvious. It has been a nervous, uncertain and at times even a fearful wait, full of suspension and anxiety. But the time is nigh. Four days to go.

To our brothers and sisters back home in Kenya, the Kenyans who have traveled to the motherland to cast their votes and those who have the luxury of doing so while in diaspora, it is about time. We thank you for the sacrifice that you have partaken for the love of our country. Your bold move will give Kenya it’s next leader. And by God, it will be the best leader. A leader that Kenya NEEDS, for the next five years. You are Kenya and we are proud of you.

Like every other patriotic and nation loving Kenyan, I do pray that there shall be peace, before, during and after elections. And that, the elections will this time leave no doubt in anybody’s mind about whom, Kenyans make their choice of a president in a fair, just and credible election.

We should not be blinded, at these times, by the allure, seductions, or rhetorical promises which may easily thereafter be forgotten by insincere leaders thirsty of the profits of power. We must think of Kenya first, and what is best for Kenya second.

I say we because I am every ounce Kenyan. I will not be voting but nonetheless I am Kenyan. And whatever the reason, I wish I could vote and that in future it will be possible for the thousands of Kenyans abroad. Because thereafter I would proudly say that my vote, made a difference.

I cannot change that situation now, and I do leave it in due and deserved trust to my beloved nation.    

We have been given two choices, two sides, two parties, two candidates or like they say, two horses to choose from. By the fact that they are both Kenyans, Kenya wins. Scenario, notwithstanding.

But these two sides of the coin hold different futures for our great land and nation. Those capable of voting, therefore carry the load, the womb, if you like, that will bear the new chapter in the history of Kenya.

We might say that for the sake of peace, one equals the other but it is not as simple as so. Though, peace still.

Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta must have his second term. Tano tena. Because there are some of us who have chosen not to recognize the work he has done in the last four years. Hold on.

Uhuru must be re-elected, so that he can finish what he started, obviously. We can not judge him otherwise. Whilst, there are those who mean that most of the projects that he started were part of the Grand Coalitions plans. May be. But the fact that he took over and actually realized them, makes them his projects.

Sacrifices must be made. Jubilee has let go some of its diehard members without a blink after they were rejected by Kenyans, the mini-buffalo (Kabogo), Maina Kamanda, Nakuru governor Kinothia Mbugua, but do I say.  

By not voting for Uhuru, thereafter disqualifies anyone of questioning any of his past work. You might be proud of that. And that is warranted by our new constitution. But then how do you celebrate the steps, the gains and the universal recognition that Kenya has made under his leadership? Will you not smile while riding in the SGR train?

Therein, will you ever be a proud Kenyan? A member of the so-proudly-called The Nation Of Kenya aka JAMHURI? Ama namna gani? Utabaki unaskiza vitendawili?

Nusu Mkeka.

Must it be a matter of life and death if or for whatever side you belong, to lose or win? What makes you feel less Kenyan by who loses? What makes you feel half way (ati Canaan, huko ni wapi!?) Kenyan, not part of it, one foot in; nusu mkeka, just because your candidate DID NOT WIN?

Raila is a darling to many, but my question adheres, could they (the many(?)) please look at his style of leadership and the tiles of blunders, and with a clear consciousness of the ramifications thereafter, wish it upon Kenya? Can you, (the many(?)) without a reasonable doubt, predict a bright future for our beloved country in his leadership, without pride and prejudice?

Whom, in their right mind would otherwise sing loudly in praises of one Joho, a d- sultan, and be proud of themselves? Hapo ndio tumefika jameni? A strong man is built by principles. And a strong nation, through that man is built by its constitution. You chant Joho? Really? Mombasa stinks, smells bad I say; has mountains of uncollected garbage and I know. I was there.

Joho is Raila’s chief campaigner and ODM, please read NASA’s, deputy leader. The governor (chest thumpingly, Sultan 001) of the second and most beautiful city of Kenya. A man who does not qualify to be leader in his own generation. Accordingly, a man who does not respect those above him, chosen by God or the people, is not a leader himself.  

Every time Joho speaks you will see a mean D-. Unless you are blinded by ethnicity, propaganda, fanaticism, 43-1, and sycophancy! Baba love. 

But it all started when Jimmy (James Bond) Wanjigi was mentioned, remember? When the Kenyan media for ONCE walked the mile to tell Kenyans the truth. The same truth that we were denied for such a long time! Things started to fall apart. First, we lost our very able, Interior Cabinet Secretary, 

Joseph Nkaissery. RIP

And after him Chris Msando. RIP. Manager of the ICT, EIBC. Both related by ensuring Kenyans of a free, fair, and a credible election. And they both said Kenya will have peaceful elections but otherwise? Over my dead body! 

Coincidence, accident, murder, rare, all fancy words out there apply here!  

The Americans say, if you want to solve a crime, follow the money (or words to that extent). And someone in history said, a revolution eats its own children. 

Who would gain (financially) of the death of Chris Msando, or rather who will lose from a fair election (Nkaissery meant no rigging)? = who is trying to rig the Kenyan elections.

Let’s not gamble for a better Kenya. We should neither be disappointed by the outcome of the coming elections, because whoever wins, it is a step within our growing democracy. And if he holds Kenya dear, we will have seen his actions already.

P Bryan Njoroge.   

What Happened Now.

Well the real story actually is that the younger president of the republic of Kenya did direct the minister in charge of land and so forth to revoke a stinging 500 000 title deeds!

This in all manner and activity is the boldest move the government of Ouru or if you so must insist Uhuruto, has executed since they cursed and swore to leave not even the smallest, little  stone unturned when it came to matters Kenyan heart.

But is someone saying stuff like thank you? No, everybody is about too or overly busy either objurgating Kamwana, the younger president’s move, or screaming achomwe to the land stealers! And at the rate that things are unfolding, Kenyans will be left with the bitter tasting question, (what happened?)…as usual.

Thing is, and this is really where the jigger found the toe, the choppers of the rich, and soon to add value, Lapsset wise, beautiful Kenyan coastal Lamu are literally being hidden, protected or if you so wish held for a ransom by the mighty opposition that tells all evil but sees, no evil!

Don’t ya love it when they say we want every culprit brought to book? And then it turns out that the culprit was actually their love whom they can’t, oh no, give up? And so the talk turns into something like, it’s just a political gimmick from the G.O.K? But do I say?

And you like, if we can’t start here then where, good Jehovah!? Then where shall or should we start putting things in order?!

It has not been a Friday for Kenyans of late.

Because some of the last few Sundays have been polluted by bloodletting. And that dramatically deletes our Fridays.

The youth’s frustrations, misguided by religious and/or political losers(you may read leaders if you want) have found Kenya a football field fair for a bullet, a grenade or a bazooka and Kenyans, all the same Kenyans, are the sitting ducks!

And we all thought that Westgate would never ever happen again! Or rather, the G.O.K stood with the opposition and said “never ever”!

“We are invisible as the lions on our shield!” Said the younger president; those thin cowards …wataona. We will hunt them down in whichever hole they hide and…watashikwa, watatandikwa, na wafungwe huko huko tu! And the last part was if they will not have died in that “lawful” process.

Needless to even try to mention, then came Mpeketoni, not to say the hapa kule grenades just before, after which the world cup joy was messed all up or all messed up; whichever way you choose to look from!

As if that was all.

They came back the following night and did their thing and left as they came, in no hurry. Like it would end there, they also gave uncalled for visits to the neighbouring parts within that Lamu County seeing every visible lion on the Kenyan shield!

Now, it seems, it’s a bit of a calm in the coastal breeze and we keep our fingers crossed that that is somehow, through a miracle or real work(also a miracle) done by those commissioned to, going to hold and the hyena will cease stealing the children of Kenya!

But what is to be beheld, if it isn’t the son of Jomo on a plan to America!? Flying majestically to the same land that told him, or Kenyans for the sake of the matter, that choices have consequences!

Has the first ever not-pink-president, the first ever president of the states of unity whose name also starts with an O, started to smell the coffee from his father’s homestead? Tell me, has he?

Anyhow, we still can not for sure put too many eggs in that same basket that the younger president took with him as breakfast and lunch while in those states of unity. Even after a successful journey over lakes, seas and most probably oceans, we still can not leave behind trustingly or testingly, a baby or a wife in faith of safe keeping by the same called states and/or our begotten son.

That’s how far things have actually gone a part. I mean what do you say of a son who say’s stuff like; ng’o! Huko sikanyangi! It was a stepping stone, I went I saw, I smoked a joint, and won the presidency, but tha dust..ma(e)n…tha dust!  Like I should go back to that village, eh eh eh..you know, where my grandma lives…ko what? Cowgetlow? No..Kogelo…..yeah that’s in Kenya you know y’all? I mean hey ma(e)n..I mean,,,he..

That’s what happened, whether I know it or not.

But besides this our lost son, we have a lot to look forward to. I mean like the referendum thingy. Like the G.O.K actually living up to its threats and arresting Orengo for being a minister when the land was chopped and grabbed. Just picture these things happening. And CORD spilling whatever beans it hasn’t spilt yet. And above all, Moses Kuria winning the Gatundu South parliamentary seat, against who again?

There is a country called Kenya.

There is a country called Kenya where everything you think wouldn’t happen, actually happen.

Last week a mother fought off a hungry hyena that had invaded her home with intent to chew on her kids! And that, armed only with a piece of firewood! According to her, she beat the shameless beast so bad it scampered away screaming in pain!

Like things would end there! The beast went on to attack two men sleeping in another house before villagers who had by now had enough of the otherwise “unthreatening” creature brought it to its miserably hungry life’s end through a mob justice; also common in Kenya.

But good people, that’s not nearly the best. The best that Kenya has ever pulled was when a lion or lioness, one of the two but not both, brought up a baby gazelle as its own after feeding on the little thing’s mother.  Protecting it from hyenas, fellow lions and even sheltering it from the rains!

That’s when we really took the world by a storm!

P Bryan Njoroge.

EARLIER...

What Happened Activism.

What Happened Digital.

What Happened.

To Uhuru Kenyatta. President Of The Republic Of Kenya.

Dear Mr President;

Sir, I write this since as it seems, everyone is writing to you. First Mohamed Ali and quickly following Raila Amollo and many others there after, so I thought why not. Why not write a few lines to the same president who has made it so easy for anyone and everyone to address him anyhow and everyhow.

Dear Sir, I am not writing this hoping to be one of your adopted kids, no. Not that I would mind being under your wing as your little brother, no, I do need a big brother of your calibre, and boy wouldn’t that do good! But rather because Sir, I think you are losing touch.

Of course I know that you have DP Ruto there 24/7 but sir, Ruto is one with you. You still need a little brother who can complain. Ruto is a bully, we need him because at times you are too soft. We need Ruto because like Wayne Rooney he is not afraid of anything. We sometimes wish that you were like that.

But we understand that you have to be the gentleman in a country that never had nobility. You have to be the voice of reason. Like the terrible Mpeketoni ordeal. What really happened Sir? Because we know that Kenyans were killed by a blood thirsty gang of Godless Cains who somehow could distinguish Kenyan tribes.

As the story is told, the killers of Mpeketoni called their victims by name. This was not only the government's version of the tale but the witnesses and survivors of Mpeketoni's as well. Persons, businesses and families were sought out particularly.

When you read your speech, you told as clearly that the hand of the opposition was in business and with time Sir, we have seen your see in it. Now we know what you were talking about.

Sir, before I go further, let me take this opportunity to ask you with all due respect to let Ole Lenku go. Not that I hate him, not that Kenyans hate him but because Mr President, no Kenyan has faith in him. Please take time and let that sink in.

Mr President; and please don’t get bored by my repeated reference to you by your authoritative tittles, someone, it seems, has to in order for you to grasp the reality about what/who you are. 

Kenyans elected you, and as we believe, you won by a big majority. So Sir, we fail to understand why you have made it part of your manifesto to play soft.

The Al Shabaab is not there to dance to some Kenyan zilizopendwa. Tax payers moneys, millions worth, need to be seen right and about. Millions of Kenyans' Shillingis mpesad to the security system has to already be accounted for. You Sir, you are one steep behind. Because you told us about the homegrown political threat, which your company did nothing about it. 

So let's for a moment forget about Al Shabaab and cross our fingers in that you are dealing with that ethically.

Your dilemma stands. You won’t be more loved by playing soft. You won’t be more loved by being Mr Nice President. Learn from you predecessors Kibaki and Moi how to handle one Raila Odinga. You are already a good president, but you need to be a firm and a decisive one.

You are armed with this knowledge: Al Shabaab is there to stay until you smash it; Raila does not fight for the people. Al Shabaab is bloodthirsty, and Raila fights only for Raila and he will suck you dry the minute you play into his hands. (Listen to Lucky Dube’s song Dracula uki chill na Ruto.)

Raila will suck your blood for as long as you let him to. Don’t you buy into his national dialogue rhetoric knowing very well what a snake he is. Remind yourself at all times that the opposition is willing to treason and swear him in as president, and that will happen when you as the president fail the powers bestowed in you.

That said Sir; there is the question of insecurity. The whole of Kenya is looking up to you. And by the way Sir, that means the whole of Kenya. I know it might be hard especially at a time when some Kenyans have seen the red lights (red lines closed) sent forth through the so called “peaceful rallies” but you have to somehow include everyone (but the rotten apples (persons)) of the 42 tribes of Kenya. Find a way to reach their hearts.

The prayer thingy is good, really good, and the most believing Kenyans are with you on this one. But don’t let it look like you are afraid of one Mungiki supporter by the name Raila Amollo. I have met him and as a lesser entity I can say this much, the guy is just a mouth.

Not that I don’t respect him, Amollo has gone miles for Kenya. He has been there for Kenyans and actually, he is always there when disaster hits Kenyans. Of course apart from the Mpeketoni massacre. That is the one time he was not the first person to visit the scene.

El Presidente, on a lighter tone,  Kimayo, Gichangi, Muhoro. Are you happy with these people? Really? And if you are, what is it that you are not telling us, Kenyans? There has to be something that these guys have done or are doing that makes you love them so. Kimayo to head KWS and KYS, how did you get to that conclusion?

Mr President I am not at all trying to question you, but Kenya has bled while these guys stood at attention. Is it about loyalty? Or do you owe them something?  What is it that makes you hold them tight in place when every Kenyan shouts sack them!?

President Uhuru Kenyatta, you are a good president at a time when Kenya demands a better president. 

We need to see actions not words and just to remind you, your words were kusema na kutenda. Words and action. That is all we want Mr President. God bless you as you lead Kenya in it’s times of hardship, trials to prosperity .

P Bryan Njoroge.